It is another Vacation with Lindsay.

As part of her three-picture deal with Netflix, Lindsay Lohan has been producing stunning seasonal films since 2022.

There was the unbearable “Falling for Christmas,” in which a snooty hotel heiress loses her memory due to an injury. She is forced to recuperate in a struggling ski resort bed and breakfast, where the empty woman learns, with extreme difficulty, how to make eggs.

Then, in March, came the “Irish Wish” associated with St. Patrick’s Day. O’Dius. Lohan achieved intellectual improvement in the role of a Manhattan book editor who dreams of marrying the untalented author she works with. At his wedding to another woman in Ireland, an old fairy dressed like a Ren Faire reject grants her silly request.

But this week our long national nightmare is over. I hope. I pray. Her supposedly final praise for the streamer, out on Wednesday, is titled “Our Little Secret.”

It’s no secret what I think about it: Hard pass.

What does Lohan have to do with his man this time?

While visiting her boyfriend Cameron’s (Jon Rudnitsky) strict, snooty family for Christmas, her exhausted character Avery – identical to the last two – discovers that his little sister’s new boyfriend is actually her ex Logan (Ian Harding). They separated ten years ago when she took a job in London and rejected his ill-timed marriage proposal.

To protect their promising new relationships, the former lovers decide to pretend they don’t know each other.

Screenwriter Hailey DeDominicis works hard to turn this tiny plot into a cover-up of Watergate proportions.

There’s a mishap between a dog and a vet, a mix-up during a Secret Santa exchange, and an irreverent rendition of Kool & The Gang’s “Celebration” in church. But “The Parent Trap” is not that.

The only endearing addition to House Lohan is Kristin Chenoweth as Cameron’s judgmental, stubborn mother, Erica. The “Wicked” actress fits perfectly into sentimental, over-the-top scenarios like this, letting us enjoy – as much as we can – her mother’s cruelty from hell on the kitchen table.

But even Kristin can’t logically understand the tonal strangeness of this Stephen Herek-directed film.

Although a quick synopsis would suggest that Our Little Secret is the simplest and most domestic of Lohan’s terror trilogy, the devices leading to its conclusion are anything but a Hallmark happy: A grandmother’s dementia and infidelity end one long-term marriage.

There was no laughter or tears at any of these downers – just shudders.

When a friend heard me reviewing “Our Little Secret,” he asked a wise question: “Why?”

These films don’t claim to offer much art or entertainment. They’re winter background noise like the mountain of Hallmark schlock and Lifetime air nonstop for the holidays. Yule log videos with actors.

The answer, of course, is Lohan. Every time one of these things is released, amnesia comes over me because I think that this could be the good thing. My Irish wish is that the actress, a real talent, makes a great comeback. My little secret is that I’m a huge fan.

But three is a turkey. On “Freaky Friday 2”.